I don’t normally have melt-downs. I hate to even talk about them- but I succumbed to stressful fear based thoughts and sad feelings over the weekend. Saturday night I just got so sad and felt so tired that I began to cry at dinner. Sunday it happened again (okay, and also a little bit on Monday night, truth be told). I was very worried about my mom’s health status (spoiler alert: she is FINE!), and I was tired from being in care-giver mode. My neck and head hurt and yes, it was a full moon!
Thankfully, as I shared my feelings over these days, my kind husband, sister and friends all responded with loving care. That helped for a time. And my spiritual companions helped me right myself. They reminded me of my beliefs. And Tuesday morning, as I left yoga practice, I tuned in to the weekly talk from Marianne Williamson , and boy was it helpful! In this week’s talk, entitled Making Every Situation Holy (or making God central in your life, not peripheral) Marianne states, “The Course in Miracles says ‘Your problem is not that you do not believe in Love- your problem is that you do not believe in Love ONLY. ‘” She hit the nail on the head. I had been focusing on fear.
She goes on to say how it is easy for us to pray when things are going well, but when things are harder, we get tempted to think (as I was) “but this is about my mom not being properly cared for; this is about me being tired; this is about me being scared and sad…” But that is essentially being small-minded. It is allowing worry and fear to take over. Which frankly, feels pretty bad (as some of you may attest to).
A Course in Miracles says miracles arise from convictions. And small-minded, fear based thoughts actually blocks miracles. So while I was turning to God, lamenting what I was upset about, I was focusing on the fear, the sadness, the things that weren’t working (and my fear that things would continue in that vein). Focusing on those things didn’t make me less upset. It made things worse.
Don’t get me wrong- there is a time for expressing our feelings, but I was holding onto these dark thoughts like they were prescious. Feelings are important to acknowledge, but we don’t need to dwell on dark feelings, we need to work with them. Tapping is one way I work with feelings in my office with many clients. I also remind clients of their spiritual resources. This week, returning to LOVE is what helped me get a grip on fear and come back to a place of peace and calm. Marianne’s talk and taking the time to meditate on spiritual truths helped me regain my equanimity. And for that I am so grateful.
I spoke to another trusted friend/colleague/fellow yogi/spiritual companion today, and she reminded me “Pema Chondron says when she has days like this she just returns to her practice”. Pema is an American Buddhist nun– she is a spiritual powerhouse- a great teacher! But even she has tough days. That is somehow comforting. And I know– this being human, feeling things deeply, sometimes getting caught up in fear, it is something we have to contend with while we are alive. And when we recognize it, we must practice. Return to Love. Return to breath. Return to prayer, to trusting that everything will be all right.
I pray you have peace in your heart this week. If you need some support, give me a call. I will help you with your practice.
P.S. I took my mom out for lunch today. This woman just had hip surgery a week ago! She is healing, feeling way better. What a difference a few days make. 🙂